 |  | The Brightest Lights |
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My mind flooded by voices from the monsters that hide in the shadows that the light she casts make. The light that makes it all seem so good cast a shadow so dark and cold that demons deem it a perfect place to live. These shadows are filled with life. Voices that try to convince me that pain is the better option. That the pain I inflict on myself is better than the one others make me feel. She has no idea that I feel like that at all and even less of an idea that she is the reason I do. Not that it would matter she would not be able to silence them. She is the sun that lights up my earth but much like the world half of my mind is always dark. The brighter she shines the more love she gives me the more alive she makes me feel the more she kills me and the more she breathes life into my demons. Now even if I left her for my own sake it would be too late. The shadows are too big and the light is never enough to light up the dark parts. If I tried to sleep I know I would lie awake all night worrying that if I fall asleep I won't be able to wake up again. And since I don't sleep the demons in my minds has taken a very physical form and I know I'm going crazy. The insanity is slowly eating away at the last sane parts of my mind and I can feel myself slowly losing my grip on reality. Maybe sometime in the future someone will find a cure to this darkness. Find a way so that the ones that cast the brightest lights won't create shadows because of it. Maybe someday no one will suffer like I do like the ones before me do and the ones that will surely come after me do. Maybe when they see a white dove flying they will feel hope instead of waiting for it to turn into a black raven that will turn and attack. They will see the hope and freedom it resembles instead of the pain and suffering that they expect due to it's light colors that they know will cast shadows. They will be able to see people leave without crying because they will know that the ones who are leaving will return again. Now none of these people including myself expects for them to come back. When we watch them turn their back towards and walk away leaving we expect it to be for good we don't ever expect for them to come back. No matter what for. Now we know that if we let someone catch a glimpse of our minds that we will catch a glimpse of them cowering away their tail tugged safely between their legs terrified by the sights that we have seen. The thoughts that cloud our minds the monsters that live there in the darkness the black hole that's sucking everything in slowly destroying itself. Maybe when the lights light up everything and not just half of it we will be able to tell people our stories and know they will not leave because there is nothing to be scared off or scared by. Besides the shadows in our minds we have the darkness gnawing away at our soul and the pain that it brings slowly breaking our skin and hearts. Slowly killing our mind soul heart and body. Every last piece of us will fall apart simply because the light is so bright. But we always think it's worth it. The love the light it is worth the darkness the hate the pain the loss it is worth all of the bad because in that short span of time when it was the only thing that was it was perfect. The ones who's minds doesn't crumble under the intensity of the light never get to experience the love and how perfect it is. They don't get to experience something so incredible and magnificent that it can not be described in words or actions. But they do get to live their life till the end. They get to enjoy every single second of it instead of having a few weeks of perfect and then a lifetime of pain. Whoever short that lifetime might be due to most caving in shortly after it has begun. The light she shines is so bright that mine seems non-existent in comparison and maybe now it is non-existent. I will be the only one of the two of us to experience the love the passion and everything else in such a perfect way. But then again I will also be the only one who will cave because of it. I'm ready to crumble. I have known that was my fate ever since I felt the heat of the light for the first time. I'm ready to fall apart and let the darkness take over without a fight because I know there's nothing I can do about it. I'm ready to let my soul burn to ashes because of the fire my demons stole from the light she shone. I'm ready for my body to kill itself because of the pain. And I'm ready for my mind to disappear into insanity. I'm ready to lose myself completely. I'm ready for the shadows to devour the last rays of light that's left and by that end me completely. | ||||||||||||||
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