 |  | My life: The park |
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Even though I'm only fifteen and I'm actually supposed to finish in three years time this is my last year of highschool. No I'm not going to drop out I'm just three years ahead so this will be my last year and I only have two periods a day this year so when the clock hits 10:15 I'm outta here to my favorite place; The park. I'm just sitting watching the time tick by slowly trying -and of course failing- to make it go faster. About 20 minutes before class is over I feel something hit the back of my head not hard just enough to make me aware of it. I don't even have to turn around to know who threw it because just like all the other times this has happened I could hear Charlotte and Jenny's giggles as I leaned down to pick up the curled paper ball. I slowly unfolded it well aware that whatever was in it I didn't wan't nor needed to read and yet I still couldn't stop myself from doing so. 'Haven't killed yourself yet slut?' it said. I could feel my jaw clench as I blinked rapidly trying hard not to let the tears fall because God and every man knows I don't need to look weak now it will only encourage them further. Instead I curled the little piece of paper again and put it in my pocket to throw out later on. By now I was more than ready to get out of here and that's exactly what I did I slipped my books notes and pencils into my book back and slung it over my shoulder as I ignored the teacher and walked out the door. As soon as I was out the door I turned left starting to sprint down the hallway feeling an intense need to cut to feel some relief but more than anything I felt an intense want to just die. Times like these -and in between- I hate myself even more than I already do -which shouldn't be possible- for making my 'No suicide' promise to Sam. And to be completely honest if it wasn't because I know he needs me -as the only one- I would have broken that promise so many years ago. I ran down the streets soon out of breath but still kept going until I reached the familiar locked rusted gates leading into the old abandoned park. As a little girl I was always told to stay away from this park by my father because it's used by drug dealers and homeless people and besides that a lot of people have been raped kidnapped and/or killed because they wanted to take a short cut through here. And still I'm not afraid maybe that has something to do with the fact I'm used to getting abused both physically mentally and sexually. I have nightmares every single night because of what my oldest brother did to me. I still remember it clear as day the first time he raped me I was only nine years old and I still remember the relief I felt when I was told he had been killed in a car accident when I was eleven. He had raped me several times a week for two years straight. My mothers wasn't -and still isn't- any better she's sold my body for drugs countless times. I even remember the time I got pregnant at the age of fourteen and my mother gave me the worst beating she's ever given me just so I would miscarriage and honestly I thought I was going to die that night. I also remember her telling the doctor I was mugged as an excuse when she finally took me to the hospital the next morning. Anyways as I continue walking through the park I recognize the place some homeless guy once tried to mug me and I remember taking out my knife and stabbing him in the thigh before knocking him to the ground and kicking him straight in the face both knocking him out and breaking his nose. Let's just say nobody in this park has ever tried to touch me after that. Well except William but that's a whole other story beside he's like a brother to me and aside from Sam probably the only brother I love since two of them left the rest of us to deal with a drug addict alcoholic and abusive mother and an alcoholic and insane father. One of them raped me countless times scarred me for life and tried to kill me on several occasions. My sisters aren't much better but I won't bore you with the details so let's just say I have my reasons for hating all of them. I have nothing more to say about today since everything is already starting to get hazy as I'm finishing up this joint. Farewell. Chapter 2: My life: The story starts here Chapter 1: My life: Welcome to my hell | ||||||||||||||
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