|My life: The story starts here|
Tired I close my eyes
Tired I lay awake all night
Tired I cry my eyes out
Tired I stumble downstairs
Everything I do these days I do tired I'm so over feeling tired all the time. I'm tired of wanting to end it all the time tired of just holding on tired of surviving instead of living I just want to be given the time to stop just stop everything but most of all stop living. But I can't I have to keep moving for my brother for Sam. It's stupid I know but seriously I have no more energy to continue at least not for myself. Sam? Maybe I'm not sure. Me? Not a chance.
Anyways I'm getting a little of track here. Let's see back to the story it must have been around the age of what five? Something like that. Anyways at the age of five I was talking to one of the only friends I've ever had in my life and I asked her why she was orange. She just looked at me like I was crazy and said "Orange? What are you talking 'bout Manny?"
"You're so nervous you're practically glowing orange." I answered confused as to why she looked at me like I was crazy.
"I'm not orange!" she exclaimed before running out yelling for her mother telling her I said she looked orange. Soon those news traveled to my dad since my mother couldn't care any less and he took me to the doctors where I got diagnosed with Synesthesia. Basically that means when someone feels something such as love hatred happiness or something else I see a colour. Like love is a shade of lavender nervousness is orange like that feelings to colours.
Synesthesia caused problems for me from an early age because people couldn't lie to me I knew when they did and when I told them not to lie they would just look at me like I was crazy because nobody else could see they were lying. Also it caused other kids to look at me and immediately think 'FREAK!' and to be honest.. It sucked and it still does. It's hard for me to get friends because nobody wants to talk to the "freak" and it freaked them out that I always knew how they felt. The girl I wrote about just before Elisa I think her name was anyways she was the last of my friends because after I got diagnosed with Synesthesia people avoided me like I was a disease. And to be honest it hurt... A lot.
Somehow having Synesthesia caused my mother to hate me even more something I before hand didn't think was possible but apparently it was. She was and still is very religious and she thought me being able to see how other people feel had something to do with the Devil or something like that. It didn't exactly help my relationship with my mother or anyone else in my family except Sam when I came out and told them I was gay at the age of twelve. Still to this day I wish I would have never told them I was gay and that they never found out about my Synesthesia.
Well I wasn't planing to write so much about my background but let you find out along the way. Oh well I still have a lot of secrets a lot of stories and a lot of pain left to share with you just you wait. So I guess in the next chapter I will be writing about what happened during my day or what?
Welcome to my life from the next chapter and forward you will follow me on the journey of discovering me.
Chapter 1: My life: Welcome to my hell
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