|Is This Love? Part two|
It hurts.. My chest.. It hurts.. The pain.. The pain won't go away..
Why did you do this to me?
You said you did it because you loved me.. Is that why you wanted to hurt me?
Is that how love feels?
Is this the love that humans yearn for?
Is this it?
* * *
"Now Madelaine, this is your first session, am I right?" The Doktor said, with a psychiatrits voice. The Doktor was no more than 30 years old. Dark brown hair, a scar on his left cheek. His brown eyes, looking inside me, like if he studied me enough, he could find out what was broken inside me... And maybe.. Just maybe, fix it.
"Yes, thats right." I said with a voice equally calm.
He smiled, like he knew I was plaing him.
"Well, how about you start by telling me why you cut yourself?" Now he had gotten the serious face back. He looked down at a piece of paper.
"I'm sure that, that piece of paper your holding, says all the anwers, to all of your quistions. Including that one. Does it not?" I asked, wondering why he asked a quistion he already had the answer for.
"It's part of the healing process, now please answer."
"Because, I would rather feel pain, than feel nothing at all." I said. He looked at me, like he was trying to figure out if I was telling the truth.
"Does that answer your quistion?"
"Not excatly. Why do you think, that you don't feel anything?"
"..........I don't know..." I said, feeling the anger boiling to the surface. He noticed immediatly. "Maybe this hollow feeling inside, or maybe because of the fact that I dont care anymore." Now my rage had surfaced. I was about to have one of my "incidents".
"Calm down now, Madelaine. Nobody is going to hurt you.. Just relax." I glared at him. Like nobody will hurt me!?! Everybody has even the smallest disire to hurt everybody else!
I jumped up from the chair, and threw it at the door. The Doctor pressed a little button on the door. Two men came in and held me down, while the Doctor found a needle to inject some medicine. I felt the cannula penetrating my skin, and the burning sensation right below my skin.
"You can't fix me Doctor! You can't fix something, when nothings broken!" I shouted while the men dragged me out of the door. I was loosing my strenght, and right before I fell asleep. I heard the faint sounds of the Doctor's laughter......
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